'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse, Which was hardly surprising, cos the night before, They'd all been out boozing and were flat on the floor!
And close to the North Pole they'd been boozing as well, Were flat out on the ice with hangovers from hell, Rudolph had a red nose, it came from the whisky, And with the elves he was getting quite frisky.
The reindeer were tipsy their moss had been laced, With measures of brandy, they were all off their faces, Santa wasn't laughing though his cheeks were bright red, He'd been at the bottle - it went straight to his head.
The lady elves did a strip show, and he'd got quite an eyeful, And was resting face-down in a portion of trifle, Where he had drunken nightmares about houses he'd miss, Being too drunk to drive and his reindeer were pissed.
Visions of pink elephants danced 'fore his eyes, He swore that next Christmas he'd stick to mince pies, Santa comes once a year - it must be the brandy, After one glass he's frisky, after three he's quite randy! So boys and girls if he forgets your list, It's not cos you're bad, it cos Santa's pissed, And if you're expecting a Christmas that's merry - Leave him sachets of 'Resolve' by the glasses of sherry!
