HoHoHo HaHaHa's
Do you have a Christmas joke you would like to share with others??
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What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve!  What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh? Santa caught in a revolving door! Why does Santa have 3 gardens? So he can ho-ho-ho. Why was Santa's little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite. What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper? Ribbon hood. Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E? Because the angel had said,"No L!" What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic. What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish What kind of bird can write? A PENguin. Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer? Because every buck is dear to him. What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus? Crisp Cringle. Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage? Because it has long-distance runners on each side What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmastime? Sandy Claus! How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas? Fleece Navidad! If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called? A subordinate claus. What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus? We'll have a boo Christmas without you. What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve? Okay everyone, sack time!! What do elves learn in school? The Elf-abet! What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes. Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer now works for Proctor and Gambel? Its true....Comet cleans sinks! What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney? Pour Santa Flush on him. If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe! What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer! Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit. Knock,knock! Who's there? Hanna Hanna who? Hanna partridge in a pear tree When you stop believing in Santa Claus You start getting clothes for Christmas. How many reindeer does Santa Have??? 11 Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen Rudolph (the one with the red nose) Olive (Olive the other reindeer {all of}) and Al (Then Al the reindeer loved him {all}) The 3 stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn't believe in Santa Claus. He is Santa Claus. T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care. They'd been worn all week and needed the air.
(to the tune of "I'll be Home for Christmas") | |
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Just before Christmas, there was an honest politician, a kind lawyer and Santa Claus
travelling in a lift of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened they all noticed
a £5 note lying on the floor. Which one picked it up?? Santa of course, the other two don't exist! It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant. "That's no offense," said the judge."How early were you doing this shopping?" Before the store opened," countered the prisoner. My friend, Sean, is a paramedic. A few years ago he answered a call about a man who had a head injury he sustained when some teenagers were throwing eggs at cars. It seems that the egg had come through the open window of the man's car as he was driving at about 45 mph. He had a large swelling on his forehead. In the official report, Sean described the incident as an "egg-noggin". In a small southern town I saw a wonderful "Nativity Scene," but one feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets.Unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You darn Yankees never do read the Bible!" I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said,"See, it says right here, 'The three wise men came from afar.'
On the _______ day of Christmas, my Tutu(Grandmother) gave to me: |
I'll Be Cloned For Christmas
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Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and it was shortly before Christmas when the FAA examiner arrived. In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his logbook out and made sure all his paperwork was in order.
The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He checked the reindeer harnesses,the landing gear, and Rudolph's nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa's weight and balance calculations for the sled's enormous payload.
Finally, they were ready for the checkride.
Santa got in, fastened his seatbelt and shoulder harness, and checked the compass. Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to Santa's surprise,a shotgun.
"What's that for?" asked Santa incredulously.
The examiner winked and said, "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but you're gonna lose an engine on takeoff."
There once was a czar in Russia whose name was Rudolph the Great. He was standing in his house one day with his wife. He looked out the window and saw something happening.
He says to his wife,"Look honey. Its raining."
She, being the obstinate type, responded, "I don't think so, dear. I think its snowing."
But Rudolph knew better. So he says to his wife, "Let's step outside and we'll find out."
Lo and behold, they step outside and discover it was in fact rain. Rudolph turns to his wife and replies,"I knew it was raining. Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"
This guy goes into his dentist's office, because something is wrong with his mouth. After a brief examination, the dentist exclaims, "Holy Smoke! That plate I installed in your mouth about six months ago has nearly completely corroded! What on earth have you been eating?"
"Well... the only thing I can think of is this... my wife made me some asparagus about four months ago with this stuff on it... Hollandaise sauce she called it... and doctor,I'm talkin' DELICIOUS! I've never tasted anything like it, and ever since then I've been putting it on everything... meat, fish, toast, vegetables... you name it!"
"That's probabably it," replied the dentist "Hollandaise sauce is made with lemon juice, which is acidic and highly corrosive. It seems as though I'll have to install a new plate, but made out of chrome this time."
"Why chrome?" the man asked.
"Well, everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"
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